Last time I dug into humiliation, self-doubt and how self-esteem plays a role in handling a job loss. It’s now time to dive into trauma and self-confidence.

What comes to mind when you hear the word “trauma?” Probably a range of disturbing and distressing events such as death, accidents, war, or severe illness. However, losing a job can also be traumatic because of the way our brains work. Unfortunately, there’s very little acknowledgement of this because of the societal and cultural stigma of losing a job. Society places undue importance on tying your identity and self-worth to your job, so losing it is stressful. There are other stressors like immigration issues and access to quality healthcare that are invariably tied to a job. It’s no wonder that the most important thing on everyone’s mind after losing a job is to quickly “get another job.”

However, this shouldn’t be the first thing to focus on. Circumstances might warrant getting another job quickly, but it’s important to balance that with processing the trauma of a job loss.

Why is it traumatic?

On Jan 6, 2021, there was an attack on the US Capitol Building. One of the congresswomen, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, escaped from a near-death experience. While she was describing a series of horrific events that were clearly traumatizing, she slipped in what I consider a wonderful and concise definition of trauma:

“Trauma is too much, too soon or too fast.”

If an event is psychologically overwhelming (too much), happens unexpectedly (too soon) or transpires rapidly (too fast), it can be traumatic. Think about that for a minute. Think about conversations you’ve had with a colleague or a manager. Think about times you felt a bit unnerved about a work interaction and couldn’t quite understand why. It’s possible that the interaction you had was too much, too soon or too fast and you found refuge in that glass of wine or your favorite sitcom to quickly make it a fading memory. Losing a job, especially with the way layoffs are conducted, can certainly be traumatic.

What do our brains have to do with it?

The human brain is a marvel of evolution. Without deviating too much from the topic at hand, there are a few simple concepts that can help understand what the brain has to do with job loss and trauma.

Old brain — also known as the reptilian brain, this is the part of our brain that helps us survive by triggering the fight, flight or freeze response automatically when faced with threat.

New brain — this is the newer part of our brain that modulates higher order functions beyond survival, such as reasoning and decision making.

Sympathetic nervous system (SNS) — remember how the old brain response is triggered automatically? The sympathetic nervous system drives functions needed to survive immediate threats. As one part of the autonomic nervous system, the SNS increases stress levels, heart rate and oxygen where needed in the body in the face of a threat; after all, we must sprint fast to escape the tiger that’s chasing us in the savannah!

Parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) — thanks to the sympathetic nervous system, you’ve managed to escape that tiger and found a rock to rest on. Enter the parasympathetic nervous system (the counterpart in the autonomic nervous system) that gets your heart rate down to normal, slows down breathing, and you can finally relax and be your normal self again.

Faced with the trauma of a job loss, our poor old brain can’t really tell the difference between that threat and running away from a tiger in the savannah. The same automatic response is set in motion. This is why the feeling can be confusing. I know I’m not dying, but why do I feel this way? If the new brain doesn’t get space and time to process and rationalize, it can lead to this fear response becoming a permanent memory. Your PNS doesn’t get a chance and your SNS is easily triggered.

We’re really good at remembering things, especially conditions that led us to feel threatened. The problem with not spending time to rationalize a threat means that the brain can trigger an automatic response even if you’re not fighting for survival. What’s worse for some individuals is that other genetic and environmental factors can make it harder to shake off this “fear response”. Not only do we remember the threat, but we also remember the environment around it. This Pavlovian conditioning at the workplace greatly impacts self-confidence, even if circumstances change.

The way out — mindfulness

While workplace stressors like a layoff may not be as severe as trauma causing PTSD, our brains react very similarly. Giving our old brain some rest and forcing our new brain to engage can be simple steps in healing and preventing a spiraling loss of self-confidence. Mindfulness techniques involve forcing yourself to be “in the moment” without judgement. These techniques help alleviate conditions that keep the old brain active all the time.

A layoff can be traumatic, but understanding how our brain works can help us work through it and restore self-confidence. Read Part 3 for a framework on closure and moving on.

Rabbit Holes

As the AOC video after Jan 6 went viral, it was really that simple definition of trauma that stuck with me. Too soon, too much, too fast. It dawned on me that there are so many minor traumatic events that we go through regularly without recognizing them. Our brain reacts the way it does because of who we are and how we’ve evolved. These mini stressors are everywhere, from the workplace to social media. I felt there wasn’t an explicit acknowledgment of the trauma of losing a job so it was interesting bringing together a little bit of brain science, behavior and how trauma can impact self-confidence.

On trauma, stress and the brain — I’ve found Robert Sapolsky’s “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers” one of the most fascinating books on the subject.

On the brain, there are far too many references, but Dr. Jud’s book “Unwinding Anxiety” has an excellent and understandable introduction to the human brain.

There are many articles and videos on mindfulness, but if you dig in, I recommend MBSR techniques that follow Jon Kabat Zinn’s method.